FIXME

I am not someone who cares much for conversation, let alone small talk. May be this is not such a good thing...

Here is my own no BS assessment of myself:

• My attitude is to engage in a conversation on a strictly need-to-know basis. If I dont need to know, I don't really care. Likewise, if I dont say things if I don't think you need to know. Needless to say, the eliminates almost all there is to be said.
• Once I have said a thing to someone, I dont find it appealling to say it again to someone else, unless there is a real need. I'd much rather not say anythinig at all, than repeat myself, even it is distinct in time and space
• I don't quite see conversation as a means to entertain yourself - or others.
• I prefer having a one-on-one with people than talking in a group. In a group, people usually end up talking crap and I tend to dis-engage. A one-one sort of feels more real and less shallow as I can better control where its going..
• May be out of whack but I usually do better with women than with the guys
• I lose interest in details, I like the bigger picture better
• I often dont find it necessary to defend my views or opinions to anyone where it really doesnt matter and nothing almost :ever does.

I have been reflecting on this for a bit, and I think I need to acknowledge to myself that these are not all exactly the things to brag about.

You can influence others and have an impact only by engaging with people not just when situation demands that you do but at a hint of an oppurtunity. It is nice to know that you come off as friendly and warm to others. That is one way to leave something behind. I admire Gil for the way he engages everyone in what is almost a senseless chatter but nevertheless always entertaining.

The first step to fixing anything is to acknowledge that it needs fixing. And here is me coming out.